I can't say what I want to, even if I'm just kidding!

It's funny how when you start a site like this (especially like this, actually), you do it with the best intentions. My sole objective was just to poke fun at things I found stupid, but alas, when I get going on something it turns out quite mean and becomes rather hard to illustrate how I actually don't care much at all about the topic. And as a result, I've managed to hurt and anger quite a few people along the way.

So as of today, I give up. Stupid Chronicles will be updated no more after this post, and I'm shutting down the forum.

Why? Because I've discovered hatred breeds hatred. Back when I was pretty much the only one looking at this site, it was fine. I could sit back and do self-analyization. But then, one night I gave this site addy to a friend of mine... And that's where everything went to shit.

It's sad how whenever I post something mean here, people just jump on the bandwagon and agree without ever really thinking about it. It's like hate is the cool thing nowadays...

I've had enough of it. The people I offended with the suicide post are people that I'd ordinarily never dream of hurting, and to them, I apologize. It was an unwarranted act on my part to have written that, and I regret having done so. All the subsequent backtalk I gave in the comments section was a farce; I didn't mean any of it, and to be honest, I have no idea why I wrote it.

You're probably looking at the date right now and thinking "ha, he's joking." Yeah, I admit, the timing of this post is a bit odd. I meant to do it yesterday after having somewhat of an epiphany a couple nights ago, but I was sick and it literally hurt to sit up (one of those 24 hour things, thank God). And I'll be gone Saturday, and at work on Sunday night, so yeah... Just one of those unfortunately timed events. It's just a coincidence, and there's no way in hell I'm waiting until Monday so all you people can jump all over me the following day at school.

The only good thing to have ever come from this page was the post on Groff. And for that reason, I'll leave this site up.

So that pretty much covers it I guess. Hate mongering isn't something I ever wanted to or intended to do here. As I said in the forum, "this is just a caricature of myself". Sadly, people have begun to think this is the real me, and I've had enough of it. I'm not going to ruin my own good name through some damn blog.

Farewell all.

- Chris

Ding dong, the witch is dead!

Terry Shiavo is no more.

Good. Maybe now the media will find something worthy of attention to cover in depth like, oh I dunno, the 8.7 quake in Indonesia that killed nearly 500 people. Wonder how many people in the country are aware of that as opposed to Shiavo's condition...

But we shouldn't care about natural disasters! Clearly a vegetable is more important. A white, American vegetable that is...

Happy Easter!

"He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
We'll miss him.
We'll miss him.

He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
We'll miss him.
We're gonna miss him
We're gonna miss him

So long.
We wish you well.
You told us how you weren't afraid to die.
Well, so long.
Don't cry.
Or feel too down.
Not all martyrs see divinity.
But at least you tried.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud.
We'll miss him.
We'll miss him.

Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart.
We'll miss him.
We'll miss him.
We're gonna miss him.
We're gonna miss him.

No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me,
Like I care at all.

But you were so loud.
You sure could yell.
Took a stand on every little thing
And so loud.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud and I
Swallowed his facade 'cause I was so
Eager to identify with
Someone above the ground,
Someone who seemed to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way, and
Someone who would die for me.

Will you? Will you now?
Would you die for me?
Don't you fuckin' lie.

Don't you step out of line.
Don't you step out of line.
Don't you step out of line.
Don't you fuckin lie.

You claimed all this time that you would die for me.
Why then are you so surprised when you hear your own
eulogy?

He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.

Come down.
Get off your fuckin' cross.
We need the fuckin' space
To nail the next fool martyr.

To ascend you must die.
You must be crucified
For our sins and our lies.
Goodbye!!!"

- "Eulogy", Tool.

Yeah, that was cheap but I had to. One of my favorite songs, and it's been stuck in my head all day along with Opiate.

Village Idiot(s)

Every once in awhile I skim through our local newspaper to look at either the sherriff's report (always nice to see former students taking great strides in their lives) or the opinions page. Normally, it's to view the latest and absolutely stunning masterpiece of paranoid rambling by the hitchiking, pothead twin of Santa Claus (Dan Waters). And while there was such a letter in the most recent issue of the paper, it was outdone by the following.

Now I'd be more than happy to reply to this in the paper, and I'm not quite sure if I will or not. My dad certainly doesn't need anymore crap from local dimwits, especially courtesy of his son. But this is almost too good to pass up.

Here's what's going on: A shooting range is being built up Southside Road, across the river from Kootenai Vista. It's a good... Oh, 2-3 miles straight from shore to the area, buried a bit in the mountains, quite a ways from being anywhere near the edge. Above a train track no less. Yet, some of the fine residents across the river think they'll be able to hear the shooting and that the local authorities (Forest Service and county employees at least) are trying to keep them out of the loop. The funny part is when they did sound measurements in their area the gunshots didn't even register... I don't think they've told anyone there that yet, but I imagine they will soon.

Anyways, I digress. Here's a letter to the editor from a concerned resident, with my subsequent comments:

"The Troy Shooting Range project has just come to my attention, I am against any such project.


As far as I know, none of the residents of Kootenai Vista, that lays just a few hundred yards up stream from this proposed site for this tax-guzzling black hole, know about the project. Why have none of Kootenai Vista's residents been notified of this proposed project?"

Ok, here's the logical thing to do: Contact the county office and get the full details on what's going on, rather than getting the info second hand from your friends, before spouting off like most of the idiots around here do. It's a lot like high school, where getting info directly from the source makes you seem infinately smarter. Not that people seem to learn that lesson there either...

"The proposed project will benefit only a few people in our area and at a high maintenance cost to our tax dollars."

Oh, right. Because the population of the greater Troy area aren't hunters. Silly me.

"Dollars, that could be better spent on an underground range like most other communities have for their law enforcement. An underground shooting range would be accessible all year and closer to those who would use it."

Oh, yes! That's it! An underground range for where 98% of the users will be rifle hunters! And let's make it 200-300 yards long while we're at it, seeing as that's about the average distance it takes to sight in a rifle properly. That's perfectly feasible, because hell, who DOESN'T have that sort of space to spare?

As he so eloquently points out, underground ranges are for law enforcement (and Bubba, the local inner-city gun nut). And I'm quite sure their weapon of choice is a pistol, not a .306. Practicing in that short of range for deer is the same as a police officer training to shoot border jumpers at 250 yards with a 9mm.

Contrary to popular belief, Montanians aren't normally "close ehnuf ta see da whites in der eyes" when they go deer hunting.

"The proposed project will only disrupt the lives of the residents living in the area..."

If by area, you mean on the same side of the river, then yes, they juuuust might be able to hear the gunshots. Both residents, even!

"...as well as, disturb the peace and quiet that comes from living in the country. Not only that, but continuous gun shots echoing up and down the river will travel vast distances with nothing to block them."

Except, ya know, the hills surrounding the range. And trees, but there aren't too many of those around here.

"If we wanted noise, we would move to town."

No no, if you wanted noise you would live across a river from a train track. And you've got that covered...

"The Southside Road, that would access the shooting range is nothing but a one lane and a very dangerous road to travel - even if not meeting another car coming the other way."

Just like nearly every road in the entire county...

"How about when Plum Creek is running logging trucks down the road? This road is nothing but a mud hole in the fall and spring, a dust bowl in the summer and close to impassable in the winter.

This proposed range will only be open for a few months a year due to road conditions..."

Hey now, that solves some things! Even if you COULD hear it, which it's been scientifically verified that you CAN'T (but since the Forest Service is a branch of the government, they must be filthy liars too), it would only be open 2-3 months at the most! That's barely any time at all. Hell I live "in the country"(2 miles out of town), 150 yards from a gravel pit that operates ALL YEAR and I can cope, even when i'm outdoors. And gunshots don't throw up dust clouds either.

"...and a burden on our already, stretched-to-the-limit sheriff's department and the Troy patrolmen. We have problems getting an officer to Kootenai Vista let alone, to have him off on some dirt road late at night endangering himself for some unwanted shooting range in the middle of the night."

Yeah, a range that'll be in use at the most three months is a huuuuge burden on them. The only problem here is if some moron shoots himself or a friend up there - it's a fair distance to a phone. However, it's no further a trip to help than where most people normally go shooting, which is *gasp* out in the middle of nowhere. If it were any closer, people might actually have a good reason to be upset at the noise eminating from it.

And "Unwanted range"? Yeah, our small county likes to throw money at things that NOBODY wants. Go ask any one of the HUNDREDS of local hunter if they want a real shooting range. I'm sure they'll say no to a free, professionally set up place to adjust their rifles and target practice. Grabbing some boxes with cheap targets pasted on, driving out into the middle of nowhere, and shooting at them while leaning on your truck is CLEARLY a better way of doing things...

"It is alarming to us that a shooting range of this magnitude would even be considered in our area. With the amount of waterfowl and large game that reside in and along the river. Such a project is beyond our understanding."

Good! Then you can kindly close your trap until you understand it!

"Why and who would propose such a disturbing venture to disturb our lives, and the wildlife that lives with us."

Good God, by this point i'm wondering if this person dropped out of high school given their demented understanding of punctuation usage (at least they can spell correctly for the most part)...

"There is a pair of eagles that nest and fish this very area on the river. We see them every day across the river in the trees hunting. What is going to happen to this pair of eagles when all the shooting starts?"

They'll keel over and die while screaming and convulsing in bloody agony!!

The eagles will move, genius. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure they can find prey along other parts of the river. Nature's funny that way. It like, adapts and stuff.

"There is some reason for this project that is not being seen by the public and being kept under cover by the people or persons behind it."

Well, i'm glad he made the distinction between people and persons...

And yes, this project wreaks of a cover up! No doubt it involves the illumanti, the secret UN invasion, and lizard people! The greys are probably keeping out of this one, as they seem to favor the southwestern climates (Montana is a bit chilly to them).

Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, the reason behind this shooting range is that people WANT A PLACE TO PRACTICE?! Just a thought...

"How would these people like a range in their back yard?"

I think he needs some basic geography lessons...

"If they say yes, then they are not our people to have in office in Lincoln County. They should move to Seattle, and enjoy their life of misery."

Yeah, them damn city-folk! With their... fancy shooting ranges!

"We want it known that we oppose this shooting range and any other developments that will change the tranquility of our neighborhood and the wildlife that lives with us on this calm and quiet country area."

And so it shall! Congratulations! You've made yourself look like a complete dunce in the local newspaper, and between your letter and the one below it by Dan Waters, you made my night.

Thank you!

Leben das Revolution!

I guess "Viva La Revolucion!" is the more popular phrase, but to be honest, I hate the French language, and German is cooler anyways. Putting it in English defeats the purpose altogether... You can't just walk around saying "Live the revolution", it sounds moronic! But when you put it in a foreign language, especially one like French, your social status is automatically upgraded from locker stuffing fodder to "hip."


Anyways, the point:

I started this site with the intention of "chronicling" the stupidity in my immediate area. This has proven to be a bit of a challenge, which is something I didn't think was possible. It's not that there's a lack of stupidity in general here, just specific things I can rant about. It'd be a bit boring if I constantly updated "person x can't type for shit" (where x, insert 95% of Troy High school, or 99.9% of Troy Jr. High) or "so-and-so said something hideously dumb today". Nope, I've gotta have something that leads off into 6 paragraphs of me ranting and raving, likely pissing somebody off in the process.

Thus, I'm expanding my horizons. Whatever I see, be it on the news, internet, or locally, I'll take it into consideration now. I didn't before, because for some ridiculous reason I adhere to guidelines I give myself. "They" call it self-discipline, but I call it an easy excuse not to update.


Good day.

"Life sucks, get a fucking helmet."

I think Denis Leary is onto something there...

A couple months ago I wrote a rant that mocked suicidal people. However, I'm beginning to question our local school system's teaching methods nowadays, because it seems that many kids from my area who viewed it either can't read very well or have a rather short attention span.

So, I dedicate this post to those people.

Let's get the specifics out of the way first:

1) I don't care what the details to the story are, because frankly, they don't matter. The point of my rant was to mock suicide itself, which brings me to number 2...

2) Grab a piece of paper and pen kids so you can take notes! Only in the introduction do I even mention your little friend's sad existence. Even then, I mock the method, not the person. And the rest of the rant is *GASP* not about him or as far as I can tell, the type of person he is. It's about the "show off" suicidal people, who for the most part don't even live in this area. In fact, the inspiration for that rant came from forums filled with said types of people, and after the first two paragraphs I never gave him a second thought. So rest assured, I could really care less about the kid.

3) I even suggested he should talk to someone if was suicidal! Hell, he has obviously has friends and I'll just assume they have the mental capacity to listen to him (a dangerous assumption, I know). But I guess you missed that since you were too busy thinking up some half-witted angry response to me because I DARED to make light of suicide. Ooooh, damn me! Damn me to straight to the fiery depths of hell!!

4) "You don't understand!" I love this line, especially when it comes from people who've never even SPOKEN to me, much less know anything about me. How could you possibly comprehend what my life is like compared to his when you've never even met me?

You can't, so I'll enlighten you: I appreciate the fact that I have loving parents who are both alive. Now having said that, just because my environment is a good one doesn't mean I'm ignorant to reality. Has it clicked in your head yet that the world is a shit place, humanity is one giant flaw, and there's probably nothing beyond this life to look forward to? I doubt it. But it has in mine, and I'm not being naive towards it in the slightest.

Why is this important? Because being able to deal with the facts of life shows intelligence. Let's say there's a kid who, completely sober, decides to take his own life because he feels alone. He didn't have a grasp on reality. How can I tell? Because if he did, he would've realized that life can and WILL change if you put effort into it and you don't dwell on all the bad things that've happened. TRY HARDER.

People who simply can't comprehend that really don't have a place here. So maybe in a way I do approve of suicide: If you realize you're weak minded, getting rid of yourself furthers the human race. And I like team players!

Look dammit, there was a larger point to that post. In case I haven't spelled it out enough for your feeble little mind already, here it is again: When you mock something, it can bring to light how dumb it actually is. Somebody possessing any level of intelligence, but somehow feels suicidal, would realize that it's a stupid act of selfishness after reading something like my rant.

Only a complete idiot would've taken it seriously. So if you did, I salute you. And remember, walking into oncoming traffic is a bad idea!

Public Service Announcement

Do you have an infant? Are you planning on bringing it to a memorial, or some other event where the audience is expected to be silent and respectful?

If the answer is yes, I'd like to suggest the following options before taking your biological noise box anywhere:

Product #1

Product #2


Have a nice day.