Heil Das Hat Nazi!

This is easily my longest post ever, so kick back and enjoy. Unless you're part of the school administration, in which case I ask you to consider the following. By no means am I alone in these thoughts...

My school is slowly being taken over by people who, in all fairness, probably aren't aware that the 1950's have ended.

First of all, the kids who piss and moan about school rules, the staff, etc. for no real reason other than they're the ones with power are quite annoying. You know, the kids that scream oppression when they turn in a paper 2 days late... I'm not one of those. In fact, up until this year I've never had any sort of problem with our administration. Alas, all that changed around mid-August.

Now, I realize that prior to this year our principal had been pretty lax with rules but we'd also never had any problems. Fights? Few and far between. Problematic students that needed to be dealt with? Not many. Shootings? Nope (though it's ludicrous how easy that would be). However, we received a new principal this year and while none of the above have changed, it’s been a bit harder for the good students to go about their daily business. So let's start at the beginning...

August, a month prior to the beginning of school. A newsletter is sent out with the following:
"No student will be allowed to drive off campus during school hours."

The greatest part to this is the obvious loophole it creates which is, well, not parking on campus. It's ridiculous all the same, though. This was some hair-brained attempt to get students to stop cruising around at lunch, and that's all it was. But why not do something logical like, oh, I dunno... Telling one of our four cops to take a break from fighting back the torrent of criminal activity that occurs in the metropolis of Troy, MT, for 20 minutes a day and park in the middle of town so people hell-bent on wasting gas could be pulled over when/if somebody had a complaint about their parking lot being used as a turning point. It's almost as if they looked at all the ways to approach this problem, saw the one that was most likely to piss even more people off, and proudly pounced upon it.

What's more is that next year, my senior year, they've decided to make it a closed campus. There's no logic behind this either as far as I can tell. There was a loophole in the initial rule, and I do hope they weren't expecting students not to exploit it, as I'd like to think those running the school aren't complete morons. One reason anybody in a position of authority has mentioned to me for doing it is that they'd like to avoid any sort of lawsuit. You know, the kind where the student who's barely smart enough to pass 8th grade English crashes into a telephone pole and breaks their face, causing an irate and equally dim parent to sue the school.

And here's why that's a complete load of bullshit: Let's say they institute some sort of policy where you can't even go outside and must eat lunch in a cafeteria (and sadly, that's probably going to happen). I could trip coming down the stairs into the room, break my arm, and sue the school because there was no warning sign saying "caution, steep steps". Look, a woman managed to sue McDonalds because her coffee was hot when she spilled it on herself, you think I couldn't sue you for anything equally dumb?

Our neighboring town has several schools much larger than our own, yet they don't have a closed campus, as is evident by the psychotic driving at their lunch hour. If lawsuits are really a problem, why aren't they scared? And that's another thing, I'd love to know where all this reckless driving is occurring that warrants it being restricted. If it's so bad, why haven't any students been arrested/warned in town during break? Oooh, that's right! Our cops are either off fighting terrorism or simply not seeing it. And when you're not seeing it in a town as small as ours, then it can't be a very pressing issue.

My point is, you can be sued for anything, and outlawing my right to not eat what the school considers food in order to prevent it is absolute idiocy.

The other reason I've heard is to discourage "the drug problem". This is outright laughable. Come on, closing campus at lunch hour to stop drug use is just as futile as making actual laws against using them. I'll quote a friend of mine, who put it best:

"Rather than having a minority of students doing drugs and a majority of people happy at lunch hour, you're going to have a minority of students doing drugs and a majority of people pissed off at lunch because they can't go outside."

People are going to continue, the difference is, they'll be doing it in between class and in the bathroom far more often. Maybe we should outlaw bathroom breaks while we're at it. Hey, there's an idea! Not only would that solve the problem of hall wandering, it'd put a lot of students in a state of absolute torture for most of a block! A win-win situation!

While I'm on the subject of lunch break (given this is the only point of the day to relax at school, I find it rather important), I'll mention the other idea they have. Stagger all the grades' breaks. I'm not sure if this is a part of the closed campus policy or an alternative, but either way... It makes me wonder if the fine citizens on our school board attended a public school or have even the most rudimentary understanding of social activity. What if somebody in the sophomore class has friends mostly in the junior class? Hmm, guess their lunch is going to be one of stolid silence if they consider their classmates uninteresting and/or too stupid to talk to. And if you think that's rare, you need to be smacked around with a large trout. But who cares? It's their problem, not yours. I mean, we already love going to school, so sucking all the little joys out of it just fine.

Oh, and let's not forget the profit loss for businesses around town. The store's deli already lost a bunch this year with the semi-restrictions on driving, Eats & Treats probably makes most of their money off students so they may go down the toilet, and Town Pump, despite being happy with Jr. High having a closed-campus since it solved a lot of theft problems, might miss the shitload of kids they DO get at lunch that aren't stealing.

That's right, let's fuck over some of the community while we're at it. Tough luck for them. Things are clearly waaaaaaaaaaay out of hand right now regarding the students of THS. I mean, just look at it! The violence! The chaos! The rioting! Lions, tigers, bears, Oh my! Law must be enforced! Restrictions made! Birthdays taken away!

I'm sure somebody along the chain of command (I love associating military terms with our administration; it's so appropriate) thinks lunch is solely for eating and we shouldn't worry about it that much. Sure, and the only reason people play video games is to get a high score! They're completely missing the point. It's a time to socialize free of the restrictions held in classrooms, and I personally like to enjoy it. And sadly, my definition of enjoyment is not being sat in a cafeteria for half an hour. We dealt with that in elementary. What's next, recess?

It's good to know the same people who were probably picked on in high school and generally laughed at throughout their childhood are making ends meet by power tripping later on in life...

And then there are the hats. Oh boy, the hats. If you have any sort of object on your head, short of headgear necessary for breathing, it has to be off within a nanosecond of entering the school or it will be ripped from your grasp. Don't believe it could be that big a deal? Here's a fun story: One day a friend of mine entered a hall way with a camera on it. Apparently our principal doesn't have anything better to do than stare at camera monitors all day, but anyways... As he's walking, a teacher in a nearby classroom gets a call from The Man, receives directions to the kid in question, and orders him to remove his hat.

Ok, there's a rule against it, I understand that, and furthermore I know teachers like to be able to see their students' faces clearly while in the classroom. But for crying out loud, how is wearing a hat in the HALLWAY so disrespectful that you actually have to sit in front of a monitor, rather than doing something constructive like making more nit-picky rules, and watch closely for it? It's like his very existence hinges on smashing any tiny bit of insubordination, however unintentional, with an iron fist.

We have also recently been issued a new dress code (which I guess "officially" goes into effect next year). The lot of it is nothing new: No vulgar/offensive shirts, gang signs (that's right, no representin' da hood out hurr in T-MT), etc. They did come up with a mildly decent one, though, which is you can no longer show your midriff. Now, granted, this does solve the problem of the hideously large people with denial issues parading around in shirts that show off their lower rolls, but it would've been cooler if they instituted some sort of weight restriction. "320 lbs? 5' 3"? Put on a fucking parka!"

There are two new rules, however, that seem more like a means to end personal annoyances than to actually solve anything. Number one: "Hair must be worn in a way that is not disruptive to the school environment." Disruptive to the school environment? HAIR? Not once, in the entirety of my education, have I ever been distracted by somebody's hair color or style and I dare you to find one student without A.D.D who HAS been so bothered by it that they were unable to accomplish anything.

The other new one is just plain silly: "No sunglasses in the school buildings." What the fuck? Ok, there's a couple of people who do this, and yes, they're morons for it. I for one openly mock them. But what exactly is being disrupted while you have them on in the hall? You know, it's for this same reason that there shouldn't be safety instructions on hot coffee, plastic bags, and lighters. If you can't figure out the most basic things regarding your own well-being, life should be allowed to boot you out the door.

I ask you, how much thought do you think they give our opinions when they're making rules against, of all things, hair and sunglasses?

And then there's the man himself. I'll refrain from personal judgments since I don't actually know him, but I do have some lovely anecdotes. For example, during our mandatory first-day-of-the-year assembly, he starts talking about the new rule regarding driving, and then says this: "I know you think you've discovered a loop hole, but let me just say this: Every action... Has a reaction." OoOh, you've struck fear into my heart, and with subtle intimidations like that, you'll have the school whipped into shape in no time! I'm glad I got to hear that, because boy, I'd never thought about consequences before and I know most people 16 years or older haven't either!

He uttered another piece of gold at the first semester academic awards assembly. As typical of any assembly involving teenagers, there's a solid portion that would rather be asleep. So at the end, he walks up front and says, "Part of what I do here is observe. I like to observe you students. And watching you just now, I made the observation that the ones who aren't clapping, are the ones who aren't getting the awards... Just think about that." Brilliant 'observation' sir, if I do say so myself! And I'm quite sure that the ones who could care less about what's going on are going to spend the rest of the day pondering your stunning conclusion!

The Man does enjoy observing us though. Very much so. One day at lunch myself and about three other people were standing in a group, when one looked up to his office. He turned back to us to say, "He's got his binoculars out again." After getting over the word "again" being in there, I looked and sure enough, there's our principal in his office window across the parking lot "observing" us. We waved courteously. Good lord, what's next? Bugging the hallways and bathrooms?

And then there's the time he announced over the PA system our girl's basketball team's victory, saying they just "defeated and beat" their opponent. Well, I'm certainly glad we did that! Had we just defeated them, and not beaten them as well, things may have gone horribly wrong!


What speaks volumes about the rule changes is the fact that the average student has a better idea about the condition of the school, rather than the asshat in charge who has little/no actual interactions with us (and interaction is not a free gift you get with binoculars). All these restrictions and rules aren't making the administration look tough like they seem to be hoping, rather, it's making them look pathetically easy to frighten.

Obviously a school couldn't function without rules, but where things so bad in 2003-2004 that it warrants these sort of changes? Nobody I know thinks so... And what would we know? We're not here for eight hours a day talking to each other, walking the halls, hearing about everybody else's problems...

But what's the point in speaking my mind on this? Indeed, what's the point of any student speaking out against the rules? Why should they listen to us? Clearly they know best; they're adults trapped in a small town with sadly low-paying jobs...

We can voice our opinions all we want, collect signatures, yell, scream, protest, but it's useless in the end if those in charge are incapable of listening. And it seems as though they've already dismissed our thoughts as insignificant: Nobody is asking what the students think, nor is anybody making a great deal of effort to explain what is to happen next year while there's still time for us to speak out in some meaningful way. It seems like they want to sweep it under the rug and keep it quiet until next year, where they'll spring it on us the first day and say, "Ha, you LOSE!" I'm sure they know once these rules go into effect they become much harder to change, but it's a good thing most of the students don't...

Do I think students should govern themselves? Holy hell, absolutely not. But we should have some say on what's fair and what isn't. I'm sure they'll read this sooner or later, so I'd love for them to refute any of the above without cowering behind the idea that "we're older and we're right" like most of the adults around here.

We can think, but I have my doubts that they can listen.