Thursday, June 16, 2005

I'm back! Only, not...

No posts in over a month, wow. Some of you must be terribly depressed right around now...

Well, for those of you who don't follow the largely asinine ramblings that my forums consist of, I'm leaving blogspot for a better place... A place to call my own! A place of freedom! A place where the servers never go down and posting errors are legends of old!

A place that I have to pay actual money for.

Yep, I'm moving. Blogspot has been alright, but there's a lot of little things I don't especially care for and I'd like to have some server space of my own anyways. So I'll fork out around $39 a year for a real domain name, 250 mb of server space, and 10 gigs of bandwidth per month. Not a bad deal, I say.

And rather than being one of those asses who posts "hey, I'm moving!" two or three months before they actually do anything, I opted to get everything set up and THEN announce it (on the main page, anyways). So, all my posts are on the new site along with all the comments (praise Jesus for Wordpress hacks; most of the comments here are absolutely priceless).


Well, that does it I suppose. Good riddance blogspot, and hello...

www.stupidchronicles.com

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Heil Das Hat Nazi!

This is easily my longest post ever, so kick back and enjoy. Unless you're part of the school administration, in which case I ask you to consider the following. By no means am I alone in these thoughts...

My school is slowly being taken over by people who, in all fairness, probably aren't aware that the 1950's have ended.

First of all, the kids who piss and moan about school rules, the staff, etc. for no real reason other than they're the ones with power are quite annoying. You know, the kids that scream oppression when they turn in a paper 2 days late... I'm not one of those. In fact, up until this year I've never had any sort of problem with our administration. Alas, all that changed around mid-August.

Now, I realize that prior to this year our principal had been pretty lax with rules but we'd also never had any problems. Fights? Few and far between. Problematic students that needed to be dealt with? Not many. Shootings? Nope (though it's ludicrous how easy that would be). However, we received a new principal this year and while none of the above have changed, it’s been a bit harder for the good students to go about their daily business. So let's start at the beginning...

August, a month prior to the beginning of school. A newsletter is sent out with the following:
"No student will be allowed to drive off campus during school hours."


The greatest part to this is the obvious loophole it creates which is, well, not parking on campus. It's ridiculous all the same, though. This was some hair-brained attempt to get students to stop cruising around at lunch, and that's all it was. But why not do something logical like, oh, I dunno... Telling one of our four cops to take a break from fighting back the torrent of criminal activity that occurs in the metropolis of Troy, MT, for 20 minutes a day and park in the middle of town so people hell-bent on wasting gas could be pulled over when/if somebody had a complaint about their parking lot being used as a turning point. It's almost as if they looked at all the ways to approach this problem, saw the one that was most likely to piss even more people off, and proudly pounced upon it.

What's more is that next year, my senior year, they've decided to make it a closed campus. There's no logic behind this either as far as I can tell. There was a loophole in the initial rule, and I do hope they weren't expecting students not to exploit it, as I'd like to think those running the school aren't complete morons. One reason anybody in a position of authority has mentioned to me for doing it is that they'd like to avoid any sort of lawsuit. You know, the kind where the student who's barely smart enough to pass 8th grade English crashes into a telephone pole and breaks their face, causing an irate and equally dim parent to sue the school.

And here's why that's a complete load of bullshit: Let's say they institute some sort of policy where you can't even go outside and must eat lunch in a cafeteria (and sadly, that's probably going to happen). I could trip coming down the stairs into the room, break my arm, and sue the school because there was no warning sign saying "caution, steep steps". Look, a woman managed to sue McDonalds because her coffee was hot when she spilled it on herself, you think I couldn't sue you for anything equally dumb?

Our neighboring town has several schools much larger than our own, yet they don't have a closed campus, as is evident by the psychotic driving at their lunch hour. If lawsuits are really a problem, why aren't they scared? And that's another thing, I'd love to know where all this reckless driving is occurring that warrants it being restricted. If it's so bad, why haven't any students been arrested/warned in town during break? Oooh, that's right! Our cops are either off fighting terrorism or simply not seeing it. And when you're not seeing it in a town as small as ours, then it can't be a very pressing issue.

My point is, you can be sued for anything, and outlawing my right to not eat what the school considers food in order to prevent it is absolute idiocy.

The other reason I've heard is to discourage "the drug problem". This is outright laughable. Come on, closing campus at lunch hour to stop drug use is just as futile as making actual laws against using them. I'll quote a friend of mine, who put it best:

"Rather than having a minority of students doing drugs and a majority of people happy at lunch hour, you're going to have a minority of students doing drugs and a majority of people pissed off at lunch because they can't go outside."

People are going to continue, the difference is, they'll be doing it in between class and in the bathroom far more often. Maybe we should outlaw bathroom breaks while we're at it. Hey, there's an idea! Not only would that solve the problem of hall wandering, it'd put a lot of students in a state of absolute torture for most of a block! A win-win situation!

While I'm on the subject of lunch break (given this is the only point of the day to relax at school, I find it rather important), I'll mention the other idea they have. Stagger all the grades' breaks. I'm not sure if this is a part of the closed campus policy or an alternative, but either way... It makes me wonder if the fine citizens on our school board attended a public school or have even the most rudimentary understanding of social activity. What if somebody in the sophomore class has friends mostly in the junior class? Hmm, guess their lunch is going to be one of stolid silence if they consider their classmates uninteresting and/or too stupid to talk to. And if you think that's rare, you need to be smacked around with a large trout. But who cares? It's their problem, not yours. I mean, we already love going to school, so sucking all the little joys out of it just fine.

Oh, and let's not forget the profit loss for businesses around town. The store's deli already lost a bunch this year with the semi-restrictions on driving, Eats & Treats probably makes most of their money off students so they may go down the toilet, and Town Pump, despite being happy with Jr. High having a closed-campus since it solved a lot of theft problems, might miss the shitload of kids they DO get at lunch that aren't stealing.

That's right, let's fuck over some of the community while we're at it. Tough luck for them. Things are clearly waaaaaaaaaaay out of hand right now regarding the students of THS. I mean, just look at it! The violence! The chaos! The rioting! Lions, tigers, bears, Oh my! Law must be enforced! Restrictions made! Birthdays taken away!

I'm sure somebody along the chain of command (I love associating military terms with our administration; it's so appropriate) thinks lunch is solely for eating and we shouldn't worry about it that much. Sure, and the only reason people play video games is to get a high score! They're completely missing the point. It's a time to socialize free of the restrictions held in classrooms, and I personally like to enjoy it. And sadly, my definition of enjoyment is not being sat in a cafeteria for half an hour. We dealt with that in elementary. What's next, recess?

It's good to know the same people who were probably picked on in high school and generally laughed at throughout their childhood are making ends meet by power tripping later on in life...

And then there are the hats. Oh boy, the hats. If you have any sort of object on your head, short of headgear necessary for breathing, it has to be off within a nanosecond of entering the school or it will be ripped from your grasp. Don't believe it could be that big a deal? Here's a fun story: One day a friend of mine entered a hall way with a camera on it. Apparently our principal doesn't have anything better to do than stare at camera monitors all day, but anyways... As he's walking, a teacher in a nearby classroom gets a call from The Man, receives directions to the kid in question, and orders him to remove his hat.

Ok, there's a rule against it, I understand that, and furthermore I know teachers like to be able to see their students' faces clearly while in the classroom. But for crying out loud, how is wearing a hat in the HALLWAY so disrespectful that you actually have to sit in front of a monitor, rather than doing something constructive like making more nit-picky rules, and watch closely for it? It's like his very existence hinges on smashing any tiny bit of insubordination, however unintentional, with an iron fist.

We have also recently been issued a new dress code (which I guess "officially" goes into effect next year). The lot of it is nothing new: No vulgar/offensive shirts, gang signs (that's right, no representin' da hood out hurr in T-MT), etc. They did come up with a mildly decent one, though, which is you can no longer show your midriff. Now, granted, this does solve the problem of the hideously large people with denial issues parading around in shirts that show off their lower rolls, but it would've been cooler if they instituted some sort of weight restriction. "320 lbs? 5' 3"? Put on a fucking parka!"

There are two new rules, however, that seem more like a means to end personal annoyances than to actually solve anything. Number one: "Hair must be worn in a way that is not disruptive to the school environment." Disruptive to the school environment? HAIR? Not once, in the entirety of my education, have I ever been distracted by somebody's hair color or style and I dare you to find one student without A.D.D who HAS been so bothered by it that they were unable to accomplish anything.

The other new one is just plain silly: "No sunglasses in the school buildings." What the fuck? Ok, there's a couple of people who do this, and yes, they're morons for it. I for one openly mock them. But what exactly is being disrupted while you have them on in the hall? You know, it's for this same reason that there shouldn't be safety instructions on hot coffee, plastic bags, and lighters. If you can't figure out the most basic things regarding your own well-being, life should be allowed to boot you out the door.

I ask you, how much thought do you think they give our opinions when they're making rules against, of all things, hair and sunglasses?

And then there's the man himself. I'll refrain from personal judgments since I don't actually know him, but I do have some lovely anecdotes. For example, during our mandatory first-day-of-the-year assembly, he starts talking about the new rule regarding driving, and then says this: "I know you think you've discovered a loop hole, but let me just say this: Every action... Has a reaction." OoOh, you've struck fear into my heart, and with subtle intimidations like that, you'll have the school whipped into shape in no time! I'm glad I got to hear that, because boy, I'd never thought about consequences before and I know most people 16 years or older haven't either!

He uttered another piece of gold at the first semester academic awards assembly. As typical of any assembly involving teenagers, there's a solid portion that would rather be asleep. So at the end, he walks up front and says, "Part of what I do here is observe. I like to observe you students. And watching you just now, I made the observation that the ones who aren't clapping, are the ones who aren't getting the awards... Just think about that." Brilliant 'observation' sir, if I do say so myself! And I'm quite sure that the ones who could care less about what's going on are going to spend the rest of the day pondering your stunning conclusion!

The Man does enjoy observing us though. Very much so. One day at lunch myself and about three other people were standing in a group, when one looked up to his office. He turned back to us to say, "He's got his binoculars out again." After getting over the word "again" being in there, I looked and sure enough, there's our principal in his office window across the parking lot "observing" us. We waved courteously. Good lord, what's next? Bugging the hallways and bathrooms?

And then there's the time he announced over the PA system our girl's basketball team's victory, saying they just "defeated and beat" their opponent. Well, I'm certainly glad we did that! Had we just defeated them, and not beaten them as well, things may have gone horribly wrong!


What speaks volumes about the rule changes is the fact that the average student has a better idea about the condition of the school, rather than the asshat in charge who has little/no actual interactions with us (and interaction is not a free gift you get with binoculars). All these restrictions and rules aren't making the administration look tough like they seem to be hoping, rather, it's making them look pathetically easy to frighten.

Obviously a school couldn't function without rules, but where things so bad in 2003-2004 that it warrants these sort of changes? Nobody I know thinks so... And what would we know? We're not here for eight hours a day talking to each other, walking the halls, hearing about everybody else's problems...

But what's the point in speaking my mind on this? Indeed, what's the point of any student speaking out against the rules? Why should they listen to us? Clearly they know best; they're adults trapped in a small town with sadly low-paying jobs...

We can voice our opinions all we want, collect signatures, yell, scream, protest, but it's useless in the end if those in charge are incapable of listening. And it seems as though they've already dismissed our thoughts as insignificant: Nobody is asking what the students think, nor is anybody making a great deal of effort to explain what is to happen next year while there's still time for us to speak out in some meaningful way. It seems like they want to sweep it under the rug and keep it quiet until next year, where they'll spring it on us the first day and say, "Ha, you LOSE!" I'm sure they know once these rules go into effect they become much harder to change, but it's a good thing most of the students don't...

Do I think students should govern themselves? Holy hell, absolutely not. But we should have some say on what's fair and what isn't. I'm sure they'll read this sooner or later, so I'd love for them to refute any of the above without cowering behind the idea that "we're older and we're right" like most of the adults around here.

We can think, but I have my doubts that they can listen.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

If ignorance is bliss, welcome to paradise

It's become rather apparent to me that the average local of my area, while not being aptly named Bubba or Fred, lacks the reasoning skills that we're led to believe define humanity. To demonstrate this, I'll present issues that are pressing to us all through the eyes of Bob. Think of him as a representation of Northwest Montana: Dense, racist, and quick to anger.

Ethnicity:

Few places in the United States are whiter than Montana, and we're damn proud of it! There ain't no damn niggers up here and if there were, I'd shoot 'em!

Really?

Well-Yeah! Of course! I may not know too many* "colored folk", but dammit, they all steal! I've seen it! I watch Cops, you know. Always the blacks. And if it's not them, it's those damn Mexicans! I swear, when they aren't stealing your wallet, they ain't speakin' English. You're in America! We're an English speakin' nation, and have been ever since we killed all the natives!

*= Exactly zero.

Religion:

Anyone who believes in Jesus is alright. Well, almost. Except those damn Jews. We should burn them, all of them.

Why?

Because! They're bad!

Don't tell me. They're trying to take over the world...

What are you yammerin' on about? They're just bad, plain and simple! South Park says so!


Political alignment:

Stupid gay liberals!

What's wrong with liberals?

They're... Gay! Always prancing around for gay rights this, pro-choice that, it's sick. They clearly haven't read the bible. Stupid fags.

Sexuality:

If you're not heterosexual, you should fall into a fiery chasm of dooooom!!

Why?

Because, being gay is wrong.

How's that?

Um.... Well, because it's not productive to the human race!

Neither is mudding.

Yeah, but that's for recreation!

What do you think gay sex is? A joint effort to change human anatomy?

Well, um...

And furthermore, how does another's sexuality affect you in any direct way? What are they gonna do, touch you and get gay cooties all over you?

The bible says it's wrong, so there!

*Bob storms off in anger with a new found ire towards the better educated.*


These are all responses based on conversations I've either had or observed over the past year with students around my age. While this isn't everybody's thought process (there's a number of very intelligent people here), it's certainly the majority. And in case it isn't already exceedingly obvious, here's why this is pathetic:

1. 98% of the people in this town base their opinions of other races on hearsay. Going back to the slight anti-Semitism that surrounds me, I find it funny that none of the ones who claim to hate Jews are even vaguely aware of all the conspiracies surrounding the religion. You'd think at least one person would be able to pull out the "they control the media!" line or something to that effect, and at least then their idiocy would be sort of justifiable. Not so. It's just cool to hate the Jew I guess.

Alas, whether it's handed down to them by their parents or collected in their minds as a result of years of hanging out with white trash (who are such because of their parent's teachings, etc., etc.,), you can guarantee that at least 1 in 3 people you talk to in this town are racist for no other reason than simple stereotypes and fear. That's right: Fear. This is incredibly obvious by the fact that as soon as they see a black or Hispanic person they shut up and wait until they leave to say something. "Oooh, we should line them all up and shoot 'em!" But only when they're not expecting it! Least they put up a fight...

Hell, at least back in the '60s white people actually expressed their feelings about race rather than being pansies about it.

2. Questioning your own logic is out of the picture. "Why do I think like this? Because I do and it's right!" I think there's an actual mental block in these people that either needs to be surgically removed or bashed out with a blunt object. Question their reasoning, and they switch gears to spout off angrily at you, like some five year old who's pissed you caught him stealing cookies.

3. The whole human race seems to fall into two categories: Liberal and conservative. This is the most interesting part for me: Ask one of these fine people why liberals are bad and they give you this incredulous look, accompanied by something like "WHY?! Because they're all flaming homosexuals and all they do is whine like 'OoOoh, we should make everybody happy!'"

It's an astounding display of ignorance. I'd pity them, thinking "Well, they don't know any better," but then I realize that by now they should know better. It's like the moronic kids in class who can't grasp what's going on, so they sit back and make fun of everything, not realizing that sensible people don't think they're cool or rebellious. Just that they're raging idiots who will, inevitably, marry a cousin one day.

And thus the cycle repeats...

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

A strange day indeed.

So it's 4/20. Yes, that day when all the local pot-heads get excited because "duuude," *giggle*, "It's international pot-smoking day. Riiiight on..."

Also today:

2005: Pope Benedict XVI is announced to be John Paul's successor. Heil Deutschland!

1889: Hitler was born. A bit of violence occurred thereafter.

And the main reason for this update, least any of you forget it:

1999: Two high school seniors decide to go on a rampage at their school, killing 12 students, 1 teacher, and wounding 21 others. Given the amount of ammo and explosives they had, it's a small wonder so few died.

It should be noted that, although they were obsessed with Hitler and Nazi Germany, the attack was originally planned for the 19th (which is the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing). But my understanding is one of them couldn't get one of the guns (a tech nine) until that same day, so it would have to be put off. It's also fun to note, for those that try to blame certain aspects of society for the incident, that nobody has really been able to prove they liked Marilyn Manson. One of the shooters frequently quoted KMFDM lyrics on his webpage, but that's about it. And one of them made maps for Doom. Ooooh....

So there you have it: Quoting KMFDM and making FPS maps will turn you into a killer. Hell, I have 2 KMFDM cds, love playing FPSs, and frequent ogrish to boot. Better watch out!

An incident like this will happen again, I guarantee it. The fact that anyone could walk into my school and pull it off speaks to that. It'll be rural America, and far more than 13 will die.

One more reason to be thankful I'm graduating in a year.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The idiocy inherent in the system.

In some countries, they still hold public executions so the rest of their society will hopefully learn a lesson. Think of the following as the text equivalent.

Just when I think the comments under my suicide rant are as logically-deprived as you can get, I find this gem under the "Happy Easter!" post:

"That pisses me off soooooo much. I don't even know what to say to that. I can't put it into words. The picture isn't even funny, although other fellow ths students think it is. All i know is that it is bullshit and u shouldn't even have posted it."

Oh, but it gets better. After some brief words about their being mentally incapacitated and how Christianity in general is comedic (go to the post if you want the actual comment), the following is posted:

"Hey, all i was doing was posting my comment, so don't be saying anthing to me about it, because you are doing the exact same thing."

So, let's start at the beginning:

"The picture isn't even funny, although other fellow ths students think it is."


Humor is entirely subjective you dolt. What you find funny and unfunny is not a "truth", it's an opinion.

"All i know is that it is bullshit and u shouldn't even have posted it."

I shouldn't have posted it? Let's break this down:

www.stupidchronicles.blogspot.com = Mine.
www.stupidcrhonicles.blogspot.com = Not yours.

I'll do and write whatever I damn well please here. And as to it being bullshit: Ok, you're right: Snickers bars did not exist at that period in time and saying otherwise is clearly a crime against humanity. However, if Snickers bars HAD existed in 32 AD or whenever, I personally think Jesus would've enjoyed one. Not only would it have eased his hunger, but it would also have taken his mind off the pain for a bit. He'd need something to wash it down as well though, perhaps a coke- Nay, a Sprite! Yes, that's it, a Sprite for Jesus!

Moving on:

"Hey, all i was doing was posting my comment,"

Neat, and all I was doing was responding! It's great to know we both realize exactly what we're doing at any given moment in time isn't it? I'm also just sitting here typing. Whee!

"so don't be saying anthing to me about it, because you are doing the exact same thing."

No, you're commenting on my post. I'm responding to your comment. Anyone smart enough to comprehend what quoting is would understand the difference. Since you clearly haven't reached such a point of high intelligence, allow me to elaborate:

If we were doing the "exact same thing", I would've posted something like "Man, that post was hilarious!" since that would be stating my opinion, just as you did with all the eloquence of a duck trying to fly with one wing.


You know what I enjoy most about running this site? Comments like that. Because rather than making me angry, they make me laugh rather hard. I find it amazing how some of the people who have been to this site

A) Can't construct a logical argument against any of my posts because hell, even I can do it.
B) Can't type. Seriously, do they just whack you on the head repeatedly with a hammer in elementary school now instead of giving you a typing class?
C) Take everything here deeply serious. For crying out loud, I have religious friends who have read this site, seen that picture and the lyrics following it, and remained un-offended. Then again, they're not morons...


So keep fueling the fire. I'll be here, loving every second of it.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

We'll drag your halo through the mud...

After enduring a good couple weeks of the media's death watch, the Pope ran out of juice yesterday.

Wow: The Pope, Terri Shiavo, and Johnny Cochran. All gone in one week.

There's a joke in there somewhere, damn it, I know there is...

Saturday, April 02, 2005

"Hook...Line... *twitch* And Sinker."

Owned #1
"I'm so pissed at you" - Keith
"Why?" - Me
"That post you made!"
"Oh"
"Sellout!" *snaps me with keychain*
"Nah, I've had it."
"You can't!"
"I can do whatever I want, bud."
"That's such a stupid reason though, come on! You have to admit!"
"Mm..."
"And you can't shut down the forum!"
"Why not?"
"I live there!
You're basically letting yourself get owned by an 8th grader. Come on."
"Sorry dude, it's over."

Owned #2
Think about this: if people take everything you say so serious so as to distort your image, are those really people you need to be worried about?

If they can't distinguish between actual hate and humorous exaggeration, then it's really not worth spending your time trying to please them by shutting down a good site like this (in my opinion).

I'm sure you've made up your mind about this already, but I thought I'd post my thoughts anyway.

- Mike

Owned #3
so y did u shut down ur site? could it be that u really do care what i say and think? perhaps u do care that u hurt me...maybe not. Maybe i was wrong. Maybe ur not a heartless bastard. Maybe u r. i dunno

I never wanted u to completly shut the site down. I just wanted u 2 never write anything about sam again.

-Small(est) Kampfe

Owned #4
Hey Chris if you ever read this again I just want you to know that I am sorry for making such a big deal about the suicide story. I don't think you should stop writing stories on here...I think that you are a great writer and probably shouldn't let something like that from writing. And I still don't know exactly who you are but ohh well..I have a question. Can I have you e-mail thought?

- Angelique


Man, I had no idea how hard is to write amid my own full on laughter until right this very instant...

April Fools!

And there were hints: Look very closely at the apostrophe in "I'm" on the last paragraph. See where that takes you. And, less subtlely, the title of the post is a quote from Tool ("Hush") which I found fitting, given that's what I've made you lot out to be.

Every last sentence (almost anyways) of the previous post was complete lies. Well constructed and set up lies, mind you, but lies none the less. I'm not sure what's more sad: That I spent the last two weeks planning that post, or that it actually worked! The fact that I actually was sick Thursday just made it all the more believable I think (and no, I don't have work Sunday nor am I going anywhere today).

The only people who were "hurt" by the suicide post (which, by the way, you need to all move on from since I posted it four fucking months ago) were the ones who didn't/couldn't grasp the point. Although, judging by the direction of the comments and Ben's help at illustrating the point much better, I think it may have "clicked" for a few of you small folk.

And hate mongering? Ha! What you people get out of this site is up to you. I write here for recreation, not to stir up emotions in the all of five people I know of that read this regularly.

My only minor quibble is the date on that post is incorrect. Blogspot dates things by whenever you saved the draft, and since I worked on it some thursday night, it says "March 31", though it wasn't posted until April 1rst.

To Keith:

I knew you would be in the store last night at some point, and I figured it'd go one of two ways: "You're such a liar! No way," or "You're serious?!" Either way, I expected you to at least question it, so you can imagine my surprise (and the subsequent 5 minutes of solid laughter in the back room after you left) when you didn't. And after you said the line "that's such a dumb reason!", I almost burst out laughing at the irony right there. It is! No way in HELL am I shutting this place down because of what someone thinks of it. The only thing shutting this site down is legal action, and I think I can avoid that well enough.

To small(est) kampfe:

I care more about the migrating patterns of unladen African swallows than about what you, or any of your friends, think about either that post or the rest of the site. However, it's fun to see (especially in the comments section) the point of the post being beaten over your head, and you still sticking to the same irrelevent lines.

And short of "sam" doing something ridiculously stupid in the future that makes national headlines (seeing as he doesn't live here anymore), I have no reason to write about him. Nor can I see any reason for you to think I would do so otherwise...


Aaand to Angelique:

Aww, thanks! It's nice to be appreciated, especially by all the little people! They get you the furthest in life, they really do (as stepping stools, but I digress). And as to who I am, well, look at the handle I use here, and then look for the single solitary person wearing a shirt at school containing 98% of it blazing across the front.

To be fair, the sources of the latter two responses here don't know me and wouldn't know a joke from me even if I made it exceedingly obvious. But Keith... Ha! PWND!

Good day.